Death in the Family

Not much more than a month ago (today's date being July 18th, 2003) my uncle was diagnosed with brain and lung cancer. He was given about a month to live unless extreme chemotherapy was performed. This was never really an option though, since the brain cancer was causing blackouts and temporary blindness, and who knows how many other ways it was affecting his cognitive functions. He was never really one to speak up when something was wrong, so I can guarantee that he kept the worst of his pain and situation inside. He died shortly within the time the doctor gave him.

I've always been accused of being insensitive and indifferent when it comes to illness and death. I rarely show emotion, and the things that often come out of my mouth aren't usually comforting, or in line with a person grieving.

It's not at all that I'm insensitive. I just see things differently than most people. Hell, look at the web site that I run. I don't consider death to be something unnatural. And I don't see it as an end. Much like the Tibetan Buddhists, I see it as a "between ". It's merely a transition between two other states of being.

Though nobody remembers much about their birth, it's quite obvious that pain is a big part of it. The baby tends to exit the mother's womb crying. The baby was surely comfortable in the womb. It had everything it could hope for. But then pain came and the baby was pushed out against it's will into the burning luminance of the "real world".

I tend to think of death much like birth. It seems to me to be almost a mirror image. And this world that we currently occupy is nothing more than a womb nurturing us until we're ready to be birthed into a greater existence.

Maybe these views are why death doesn't seem to bother me as much. I'm not saying that the deaths of certain people wouldn't cause me great grief. I'm just saying that, in general, I try not to let it be the end of my world also.

Anyways, with any death, there are some comforting things that occur to help alleviate the guilt. My uncle's death was no exception.

To begin with, my cousin's husband relayed to me the story of the few hours before my uncle's death. Without anyone saying a word to him, my uncle blurted out: "I hear you". My cousin asked him who he was talking to. She asked if he was talking to his mother (who died many years ago). He replied yes. She asked him if Jerry was there too (a friend of the family that also had died). Again, he replied yes.

You can read anything you want into this, but I find the story rather comforting. It brings a smile to my face knowing that he returned to his mother after all these years. And even if it was only in his head, I couldn't think of a better image for him to see before dying - anything to make his suffering lessen.

Whatever the case, I know that while my uncle was alive, he lived his life the way that he wanted to. We should all be so lucky.